Have you ever had that dream where no matter how fast you run you never move, either away from the impending doom or towards some desired thing?  Welcome to my life.  No matter how hard I try I cannot escape my looming dark shadow.  It finds me at inopportune moments forcing me to accept its truth.  I remember it suddenly, with a pounding heart, when I allow my mind to wonder.  It stalks me.  My own personal viper in the flower bed just waiting to strike.  But…more and more I feel the fight leaving me.  I run slower from the shadow, my denial rings hesitant in my ears, and I find myself waiting to be caught.  I cannot be sure that this is not me giving up, but perhaps, just perhaps, it could be something more.  Patience, acceptance, or my very own version of waiting till I see the whites of its eyes.

The moment is upon me and just like that the decision is made. 

I shall not run, for there is no more fear.  I will not be consumed, because it can be mastered.  I have not been burned, instead I will glory in this mark.  I refuse to hide, cover, or conceal this part of me, which I cannot escape, as it is not a stain against my person.  My intent is set.  It is mine, but I am not defined by it.  Today I am 30, and that is nothing more than the latest addition to the list that describes me.


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